A Cautionary Tale for Celebrants and Home Funeral Guides

A woman called the other day and purchased a shroud for a family where there had been a sudden unexpected death .On the phone she acted as a member or friend of the family and had the shroud shipped overnight at considerable expense to the families home. She paid for the shroud herself with her personal credit card. When the shroud arrived the family was not at all comfortable with seeing the outline of the persons body and went and bought a casket instead. The woman then called two days later saying she was actually a celebrant and wanted to return the shroud and get a full refund. This was her first funeral. With a very positive motivation she had actually gotten caught up in her own enthusiasm for the shrouds and had underestimated this particular family dynamic. (This is in the same vein as hiring a harpist for a home funeral when the family could care less and then charging the family for it. )

It states very clearly on the KINKARACO website, invoices, etc. :

NO RETURNS - NO EXCHANGES - ALL SALES FINAL .

The reason for this is because this is not a pair of shoes. These are decisions which possess gravity and need to made with care .

It is important when embarking upon funeral work with the public to set a humble compassionate intention of service. This aids in better results and even in connecting with a state of Grace....

Try and understand the nature of the family you are working with , know their true wishes without imposing one's own preferences or manipulating what funeral services you believe they should choose or products they should order. This is not beneficial to anyone. We at KINKARACO have learned never to try to sell a shroud to a family who would prefer a casket or promote a green burial to a family who really want cremation. We have found in most cases attraction works alot better rather than promotion.

Shrouds are devoid of the denial of Death. For example: In green burial one sees the body, sees it get covered with dirt and knows it will decompose rapidly. In the ocean, you see the body go to the bottom of the sea. The families that choose shrouds need to be out of denial and attachment to the body and understand the beneficial environmental impact of these choices and feel really clear & really good about them.

Some simple suggestions & rules of thumb:

1. If you are a celebrant , home funeral guide or any other type of free lance funeral worker - it is important to always disclose your actual position to everyone involved in the creation of any funeral service.

2. Refrain from purchasing a funeral product for a family yourself on your own credit card. Have the family make the purchase themselves after having arrived at an unanimous informed decision or email that you have their consent to act in their behalf but make the purchase for them using their payment method instead of your own.

3. Detach from your own story, desires, preferences and serve only the story of the family you are serving unless asked for your suggestions.

4. Always try and be humble and devoid of any arrogance. Try and operate from a selfless state of compassion and kindness for others.

5. Care for everyone as those whom we love most dearly.

"We can see that in even the most mundane situations we cannot be successful if we do not cherish others." Shantideva 635 AD